


My Eyes Will See Only You

by faithinthepoor



Series: Glee [24]
Category: Glee
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-14
Updated: 2014-07-14
Packaged: 2018-02-08 18:31:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,667
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1951707
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/faithinthepoor/pseuds/faithinthepoor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set after Furt</p>
            </blockquote>





	My Eyes Will See Only You

**Author's Note:**

> In my series this follows [I’m Not That Girl](http://archiveofourown.org/works/640810), [It Sucks to be Me](http://archiveofourown.org/works/640836), [Kiss Me Goodbye](http://archiveofourown.org/works/640850), [We All Have Sorrow](http://archiveofourown.org/works/640862), [I’m Not Myself Lately](http://archiveofourown.org/works/640884), [I Ain’t the Worst You’ve Ever Seen](http://archiveofourown.org/works/640900), [I Know That I’ve Got Issues](http://archiveofourown.org/works/640908), [You’ll Never See What You’ve Done to Me](http://archiveofourown.org/works/641365), [Everyone Must Stand Alone](http://archiveofourown.org/works/641370), [I Should Be Happy](http://archiveofourown.org/works/641377), [Every Now and Then I Fall Apart](http://archiveofourown.org/works/641387), [I Wish That I Had Jesse’s Girl](http://archiveofourown.org/works/641391), [I Dreamed That God Would Be Forgiving](http://archiveofourown.org/works/641394), [I Don’t Want To Be Friends](http://archiveofourown.org/works/641401), [I’m a Loser Baby](http://archiveofourown.org/works/641414), [I Sometimes Wish I’d Never Been Born At All](http://archiveofourown.org/works/641422), [I Don’t Wanna Think Anymore](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1951407), [I Am Stronger Than Yesterday](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1951449), [Can You Hear Me Praying?](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1951482), [If I Lost You Would I Cry?](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1951506), [I’ve Got to Keep Control](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1951545), [I’m Living a Teenage Dream](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1951581) and [I'm Like, Forget You](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1951644)

Over the years Quinn has become an expert at putting her game face on. She can effervesce on the outside while inside she is all but dead. It’s a useful skill but most of the time she would trade it in for a different life in which she never had to develop such a façade. Recently she has come to cherish her maladaptive defence mechanism. It has been an extremely useful tool in the war on her sanity that has been raging ever since Rachel Berry entered her life. It is also the thing that allows her to let Sam touch her without provoking her gag reflex.

She thought she had stressed her skills to their limit lately but what has come before was a picnic compared with this event. To be fair any wedding would be difficult for her to deal with right now. It’s excruciating to be surrounded by happiness and wanton displays of love when love and happiness have been ripped from your life and you feel like you will never get them back. However it’s not just the salt that is being rubbed into her considerable wounds that is making these nuptials unbearable for her - as far as she is concerned this wedding is a complete disaster.

Quinn likes Mr Hummel. She cares about him as much as she is capable of caring for a man she hardly knows. He is someone she respects and someone that she feels deserves more happiness than life has given him. A wedding should have given him a reasonable lift but this is not the wedding to deliver the happiness that he deserves.

If she hadn’t have seen him attempt to dance his way down the aisle or noticed that he was standing centre stage with Finn’s mum during the ceremony she would have no idea that this was meant to be his special day. The same could be said for Finn’s mother, which is probably even more tragic. She hasn’t spent a lot of time planning her future wedding, she has never been _that_ girl, but she is relatively sure that one of her major prerequisites would be that the day focused on her. 

As far as she can tell, not that she can tell all that much right now because she has been stealing sips of champagne for quite some time, the universe seems to have decided that the whole celebration is about Kurt. Quinn can not fathom how this turn of events could have occurred. She knows that he would have been heavily involved in the wedding planning but even if he had scheduled five minutely tributes to the uniqueness of spirit and individuality that is Kurt there is no way in the world that other people should have gone along with his plan.

A small acknowledgement of his efforts would have been appropriate but it certainly didn’t need to be extravagant. It’s not as though wedding planning would be something that Kurt would consider a chore. Quinn suspects that he has clippings from bridal magazines under his bed and that he has likely been having wet dreams about centre pieces for longer that she would like to imagine. Considering Kurt’s penchant for weddings and the fact that, unlike Quinn, he has probably been planning his own ever since he sashayed out of the womb the whole event leaves her a little underwhelmed. Her lack of satisfaction seems to be an isolated condition though as everyone else is singing Kurt’s praises. She wishes she had known long ago that it was this easiy to impress people. She could have saved her body a whole lot of injury and strain if someone simply had have told her that all you need to be considered a superstar is some chiffon and a colour wheel.

It’s possible that focus on Kurt has nothing to do with his collection of fabric swatches and everything to do with the bullying that he has been experiencing. She doesn’t want to downplay the seriousness of bullying but from the way he is acting you would think that no one had ever been threatened by a meathead before. Quinn doesn’t mean to suggest that what she has experienced amounts to what Kurt is going through. She knows that she only wore a target on her back for a finite period of time and that Kurt has lived with this his entire life. That said it’s not as though she can’t relate to Kurt’s circumstances and although she would never say so out loud thinks he kind of asks for what he gets. Kurt may be gayer than springtime but Quinn isn’t exactly straight and the difference between them is that she has the good sense to hide her sexuality from the world instead of shoving it in everyone’s face.

Kurt and all of the advocaats would have a field day if they knew she thought that he should toe the line but this isn’t San Francisco, this is Lima. Around here if you don’t fit the all-American stereotype you have two choices - either you fake it and you get by or you decide to be yourself and you suffer the consequences. Maybe Kurt is braver than Quinn, maybe he’s willing to do things that she is not but he has to be aware of what happens to boys who show up to school in girl’s clothing and yet he does it anyway. The way Quinn sees it, you don’t put your hand into a lion’s mouth and than get to act surprised when it gets bitten off but the bullying, much like the wedding, seems to be an area where Quinn’s opinion differs greatly from that of the public at large.

All Quinn knows is that she feels that she has fallen through a rabbit hole and in this twisted version of Wonderland everything is all about Kurt. The idea that Rachel managed to rally the boys of New Directions into a vigilante posse in order to protect Kurt makes Quinn want to vomit. Rachel should be rallying a small army to beat up the many, many people that have bullied her rather than cashing in her chips to protect someone else. Quinn also finds it sickening that the boy who is interested in her all but led that charge. She knows he is not the brightest star in the sky, she also knows that he can’t distinguish stars from planets, but she would like to think that he is not a thug. After she learnt that Puck was going to have to spend some time in the big house she told herself that she would make sure to avoid having people in her life who need significant anger management counselling. Especially if she is going to let these people touch her. She has no idea how Sam went from annoying but harmless to a renegade and she thinks that maybe she shouldn’t have spent all that time worrying that Rachel was a witch because clearly it’s Kurt who has the power to cast spells on people. 

Unlike Kurt, Quinn knows how to play the game. Sometimes she thinks she plays that game a little too well. Being an over achiever is not always in her best interest. It leads to terrible situations, which is how she finds herself sitting at a wedding with Sam’s hands all over her. That should be punishment enough but she is also being forced to watch Rachel moon after Finn. The comfort of knowing that she has got game doesn’t really deaden the pain that she sees watching Rachel or silence that part of Quinn that desperately aches to hold the brunette. 

She is pretty sure that she is going to be able to blame tomorrow’s hangover on Rachel Berry. If Rachel hadn’t been there with her ridiculous Finn necklace on and her worshipping of Finn like he was the centre of the universe, Quinn would not have had to drink at all. She is delighted when the dancing starts in earnest, and not just because it takes some of the focus away from Kurt, she had high hopes that it would dial her drunk down from queasy to buzzy. It turns out that jumping around on a stomach full of alcohol doesn’t stop the nausea bus and she is forced to make a rapid exit to the bathroom.

Someone is clearly looking out for her because she encounters a disabled bathroom before she finds anything else. She learnt quickly in the her morning sickness days that if you are going to be violently ill it is much nicer if you have a little more space and it’s also a great asset to have proper doors that go all the way to the floor. When she is finished ejecting much of the alcohol that she worked so hard to acquire she does her best to make herself look presentable before exiting. She is reasonably sure that the breath mints she used were powerless to overcome the vomit stench but then again she has absolutely no plans to kiss anyone tonight and if Sam does try to kiss her then he deserves what he gets. 

She opens to the door and comes face to face with judgment. Rachel is standing there with her arms folded across her chest and a look of disapproval etched all over her face. Quinn tries to make a hasty retreat back into the bathroom but Rachel has somehow developed super speed and makes it through the door as well. Rachel engages the lack and the then stands there blocking Quinn’s access to it while she continues her glare.

When Quinn responds with silence Rachel is forced to make the first move, “You were vomiting.”

“I ate something that didn’t agree with me.”

“More like you drank something that didn’t agree with you.”

“Well there’s no need to call in the fun police because I’m really not having a good time.” 

Rachel apparently isn’t done with her lecturing, “How can you be so stupid?”

“It was surprisingly easy.”

“This isn’t you.”

“How would you know?”

“I know you.”

“Bullshit. You only know a version of me that thought I could have something different with you.”

“I would say that means I know you pretty well.”

“I would say that it means I thought I could get away with fucking you without the rest of the world knowing it.”

“You don’t mean that,” Rachel looks like someone told her that Jews can no longer win Tonys.

“You can’t prove otherwise,” Quinn spits.

Rachel raises her hand and Quinn is certain that she is about to be slapped. No contact is made with her face but she feels fingers grab her hair as Rachel pulls her in for crushing kiss.

Quinn pulls back when Rachel bites her lip and checks to see if she has drawn blood. “Why would you kiss me? You know I’ve been vomiting.”

“Yes and you taste gross but I really don’t care.” Maybe Rachel cares a little more than she is willing to admit because when she resumes kissing it is not Quinn’s lips that she targets but her neck. Quinn decides it’s best not to question what is happening and slides her hands up the back of Rachel’s legs. When Rachel doesn’t protest she moves her hands up further and feels Rachel’s dress slide with them as they skim over her underwear.

She knows this is a spectacularly bad idea and for about a nanosecond she contemplates saying something to that effect but then Rachel sweeps Quinn’s dress aside and places her hand between her legs and Quinn doesn’t think at all. Not only can’t she think, the entire English language appears to have fallen out of her head. Speech has become beyond her and she makes these strange little whimpering sounds that she feels are decidedly unerotic but at least they don’t seem to be bothering Rachel. 

Before she knows what’s happening Rachel’s fingers have moved under the fabric of Quinn’s pants and are now buried inside her. She’s not sure that either of them are ready for what’s happening but it seems impolite to point that out now. Rachel appears to sense her conflict as she uses her free hand to stroke Quinn’s forehead and then whispers, “It’s ok,” in her ear. This serves to assuage any remaining ambivalence that Quinn had and her non-verbal response is to rock her hips against Rachel’s fingers.

There are lots of things that Quinn knows about herself but something that she never imagined was that she seems to have an issue that she normally associates with horny teenaged boys because it only takes a few more thrusts of Rachel’s fingers before the entire world goes into spasm. Her body trembles and she feels like her legs have forgotten how to walk. If Rachel wasn’t holding her up it is a pretty safe bet that she would have slumped to the floor by now. She clings to Rachel until her body has once again remembered how to fight gravity. She feels safe and she wants to be able to tell Rachel that she loves her but she’s frightened of complicating thing further, or making this more than it is. She can’t say what she wants but she settles for the next best thing, “Your turn.”

Quinn is filled with a hunger that she doesn’t recognise as she unzips Rachel’s dress. A surge of power fills Quinn as Rachel arches her back and breathlessly tells her. “I didn’t sleep with Jesse.”

“I know,” Quinn replies as she pushes down the cups of Rachel’s bra.

“I haven’t sleep with Finn either.”

“I’m glad,” Quinn says before tentatively taking Rachel’s nipples between her fingers.

“I’m glad too.” Rachel pushes Quinn back by the shoulders as she lets her dress drop to the floor. “I really wanted you to be my first.”

Quinn looks at Rachel in awe and swallows hard. Rachel is standing there offering her everything she has ever wanted but Quinn knows that she can’t take it. Quinn is certain that for the rest of her life she will regret the fact that she slept with Puck and Rachel shouldn’t have to live with a similar feeling. Her first time shouldn’t be with a drunk girl in a bathroom and it shouldn’t be with someone that she’s not proud to be with.

Rachel stands frozen, “What’s wrong? Is there something wrong with me?”

Tears are starting to form in the brunette’s eyes and Quinn knows she has to act quickly or she will lose her resolve. She shakes her head slowly, “It isn’t supposed to be like this.” Rachel moves her arms to cover up her body and Quinn wants nothing more than to grab Rachel and tell her that everything will be alright but she knows she can’t do that. She turns her back on Rachel and starts to redress.

“Quin we should talk about this. We haven’t done anything wrong.”

“Then why do I feel so terrible?” Quinn doesn’t wait for Rachel’s reply. She makes a hasty exit and asks Sam to take her home. He doesn’t seem to notice her taciturn nature on the trip home and thankfully he doesn’t try for a good night kiss. She’s relieved on several levels – she really thinks she might have kneed him in the balls if he had tried and that would have been a tad difficult to explain. He doesn’t push too hard and instead reminds her about the ring. She tells him that she will think about it but she doesn’t have to, she knows that at that moment exactly what she needs to do. The only thing she wants is to call Rachel and try and take back what she did so she is certain that what she has to do is the complete opposite. She has to put on the ring to save herself, to save them both.


End file.
